“Please… Ryan… don’t leave…” I spoke in ragged breaths. The pain was numbing, but it was still powerful. The pain came in bursts when I tr...ed squeezing my muscles, trying to keep him in me. He could tell by the grimace on my face that what I was doing hurt me badly. Though I could feel him growing inside of me again, which only served to hurt me more at the moment.“Stop,” he whispered softly, but I could feel the command that had frightened, yet made what was supposed to be hurting simply. Sunday morning tranquility. Waking up next Jan added to it. The luxury of waking and knowing that absolutely nothing required me to leave the bed immediately is rich. It's even more rich to realize that there's a warm, eager young body in bed with you. Beats snuggling with a crumpled pillow.Okay, let's see if she is indeed better than that crumpled pillow. I tossed an arm over her and eased up against her. The pillow never purred. Or wiggled backward. Or giggled and twisted around and shoved me. Can I ask a question?”“Sure.”“Jen says she can’t be with me without you there. Are you the same way?”“Yes, but not for the same reason. For me, it’s because I promised Jenny that except for the very first time when you and I got to know each other, I’d never have sex when she wasn’t there. For her, it’s because heterosexual sex scares the hell out of her. Did you know that she won’t let me use a dildo or even vibrator on her, if it goes inside?”That made me think back to the first penetration. When you hear that same sweet song again, will you know why?Anyone who sings a tune so sweet is passin' by, Laugh in the sunshine, sing, cry in the dark, fly through the night.Don't cry now, Don't you cry, don't you cry anymore, la da da daSleep in the starsDon't you cry, dry your eyes on the wind, la da da daBird Song — one of the most amazingly beautiful songs Jerry Garcia ever wrote. But Moira was singing it in heartbreaking fashion while sitting on the bed next us. I was lying down, holding.
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