The mereabsence of endorphins flooding my body sent me into orgasm withdrawal theemptiness filled only with jagged sobs. I kept pleading for forgivene...s,but I couldn't form the words, I was terrified I would never recover, thatI had become brain damaged and broken, a defective sissy. I wondered ifshe was leading me to the incinerator or the slaughterhouse...I prayed foreither...anything that would bring an end to the pain. But most of all, Iprayed for forgiveness...I doubt she heard me. And if. It filled my mouth, my nostrils, my ears. If not for the fact that Iknew I still had a mouth, nostrils and ears, I would have sworn I'ddied and been reincarnated as water.I surfaced and spat out some water, then tried to orient myself toswim. The current was almost stronger here than it had been when I'djumped off the cliff. I looked around and tried to find Sari, but shewasn't anywhere near me. I tried to swim again, but it was difficult.It was like the water was... Guiding me. I stopped. Walking in on Tia fingering herself, Tia's questions and the fact she was getting off on them. Well I wasn't going to miss out on the fun. I started to get a little warmed up now. Pumping back and forth I let myself slide into a world of bliss. I woke with a start. Mum was holding my shoulder softly shaking me awake. I had always been a heavy sleep. "Ben, I am going back down to the hospital," said Mum "I know it's not ideal but I need you to stay home and babysit Tia,". "Ok mum," I said,. STIRRING THE BEAN CURD: “English translation of a Chinese term for the lesbian sexual act of finger-fucking.”6. SERGEANT: “In the mid-1990s, a butch lesbian.”7. COMADRES: “In Chicano/Chicana communities of the American Southwest, two unmarried women who live together in a close relationship, as in Boston marriage or romantic friendship; in English translation, comothers.”8. FUSION: “In lesbian love relationships, an intense intimacy between the two partners that causes them to be over-involved.
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